April Fool's Day

Ah, April Fool's Day, the day when the funny people make us laugh and the unfunny people try in vain to make us laugh but end up causing nothing but groans, dry cleaning bills, and empty tins of shaving cream. This pseudo-holiday was a lot more fun before Facebook and Twitter feeds. It really seems like they're trying way too hard to make fake news stories in the spirit of April's Fools that they surpass funny and go straight to the realm of ridiculous. I'm in favor of a fake news story as much as the next guy, but at least make people stop and go "Wait, is this serious? Hmm." At best, make the
stupid friends everyone has repost it as though it were gospel and stress how super serious it is.

"No, I'm serious dude! George Takei is going to be a Jedi master in the next Star Wars movie! 

And J. J. Abrahams is directing! They had a picture and everything!"

So I was at my goddaughter's birthday this last weekend at my grandparents house and, even though it was her 3rd birthday party, I failed to realize that there would be so many crazed hellspawn (otherwise known as children) at the party. So I did what any strong, independent man would in that situation and hid in the bathroom for as long as I could. And in their bathroom my grandparents have a book called "Uncle John's Monumental Bathroom Reader". I read that whenever I'm in there, whether on the pot, doing paperwork, my taxes, and pondering the mysteries of life. It was very impressive, with interesting stories on Dracula, stupid criminals, laws, history, comics, quotations, and lots of other random crap.

As I sat there reading, I realized something that blew my mind. I had sat there reading stories about topics I could not care less about for HOURS. Literally, HOURS. The whole party. I had just found the book version of Wikipedia, or the Discovery channel. HOURS UPON HOURS of learning things I don't care to know and ENJOYING IT. What the hell? 13 years before Wikipedia was even AROUND, this guy was forcing knowledge down the throats of unsuspecting poopers everywhere. He's a mad genius, on the level of Blofeld, Rupert Murdoch, or Christopher Walken. A truly evil man, one worthy of our respect.

Behold, the cover of evil.