Thursday, October 13, 2011

Getting Out of Dodge

I live in San Diego. Sunny San Diego, where the beaches are fine and the bitches are finer. Well, some of them, it is a republican town so there's a whole lot of really fat chicks as well. Actually, it's probably just a normal distribution of attractive women with more emphasis simply given to the attractive women due to the beach community and the fact they wear bikinis more frequently. BUT I DIGRESS.

San Diego is a nice city to visit and vacation at. But living here is really pretty boring. It's really hot, there's a lot of people who love shoving their political agendas on you, people who think they're better than you and aren't shy about it, and professional mommies. I wanna move the hell out of here as soon as I can. One of the cool things about being from Southern California is, no matter where I go, even to Europe, people think people from SoCal are automatically cool. Even countries that hate the US, like France, think you're a pretty cool guy if you specify you're from SoCal. It's because SoCal is such an expansive area that it incorporates every type of person, from the "ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWER" hippy to the rich businessman to the Hollywood actors. They see whoever they want to when you tell the you're a SoCal-er.

Places Christian Wants to Live
Sweden
I love Sweden. The well run socialist community, the fact that I'm genetically Swedish, the cold weather, the tall blonde women with sexy accents who talk in sexy languages. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it NOW. Oh, and the fact that it's thousands of miles away from my family means no surprised visits. I'll probably lose most of my friends here because they have short attention spans, but my best friends will have a bitchin' new vacation spot when they come to visit me and my 6' swedish wife, Svetlana as well as our children, Ugthor the Unmaker and Hammarskjold.

I like how there's only ONE of them who's not blonde


Montana
Montana is awesome too. It's actually SEASONAL where it's hot in summer and cold in winter, like Christopher Walken intended when he created the world from the corpse of his slain mother, the Great Dragon Tiamat. It's a pretty rural state, without too many huge cities. One of the major selling points reveals just what a simple mind I have though: you can see the stars PERFECTLY and it makes me happy in ways that have yet to be replicated. I love the stars, but in the city where I live (also it's Southern California in general, Smog.) you can't see the stars for dick. It sucks. Also, hot cowgirls.

The Rainbow knows what's up. It even ENDS in Montana.
 

San Bernardino
Now, this is still in SoCal, but all my friends seem to live in this general area. I live a good hour and a half drive from most of my friends which is a suckass drive for someone without a car or job, so Io rarely get to see them. If I moved up there, I could probably get 2-3 of my friends willing to move in with me and have a PARTY HOUSE going. Oh, also there's a lot of attractive, less-bitchy women up in this area as opposed to San Diego and it's closer to DISNEYLAND. Woo!

Yeah... my desire to live here is more about people than the area itself...


Middle Earth
Yeah, I went there. I would TOTALLY live in Middle Earth if it were, y'know, POSSIBLE. Middle Earth kicks ass, from the rolling hills to the frozen mountains to the burning death mountains. Life is pretty damn simple too, all you do is have a farm, be a hunter, or murder people and take their stuff. Sure, you have to deal with the occasional dragon, Uruk-Hai army and evil rings of fallen Dark Lords with minds of their own that drive men to squabble over it to weaken them for his inevitable return to cast his shadow over the land for all eternity, but there's hot elf babes! Sounds like a fair trade to me. Plus I'd get to have my beard and no one would say a damn word about it. Oh, and stupid fat hobbits from time to time. Little bastards. They're lucky they grow pot all day or they'd have been Holocaust'd already.

Oh, s'up. Not much, just chillin with my homies.

"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room."
-Blaise Pascal

No comments:

Post a Comment