Community College

I'm currently enrolled in Miramar Community College in San Diego. Ah, community college, the haven for middle aged people who inexplicably decided to go back to school, the poor kids, and the slacker kids who didn't really put forth the effort to get in to a 4 year university and so are getting their GE and 60 units to transfer. Don't let my rampant pessimism disguise the joy I feel of being at this place: it's awesome. The classes are all super easy, the teachers are chill, but most important if I don't want to talk to people I don't have to. I don't live here, I'm not obligated to work with anyone outside of class if I don't want to, and most people seem to be terrified to talk in a public space, like someone will strike them down where they stand if they open their mouths. There's really only three places to ever see a soul on campus: the library, the cafeteria, or in class.

The library is where the people with some intention to graduate hang out from time to time. It's full of "books", which I'm told used to hold text before they invented Internets. There's also the obligatory 15 year old computers that can barely run Notepad, and they all seem to always be occupied by the same three people. It's weird, I suspect if I broke in at like 2am, the same asian guy, white chick with a billion hairclips in her hair, and super tall black guy would be diligently sitting at the computers, working on whatever assignment it is that keeps them on the computers every damn time I'm in the library. The good thing about the library is that there's actually some OUTLETS around! I don't know whose bright idea it was, but this school's outlets have almost all been replaced with solid covers that don't allow plugging in. It's terrible! My phone sucks up more juice than that computer from the episode of "Psych" with all the spies and it needs to be recharged every 30 seconds or so. Since I'm at this damn school for 12 hours I spend quite a bit of time searching for an open outlet. Oh, there are only like two or three of them, so more often than not the back area of the library where they're all located deteriorates into a gladiator deathmatch with people hacking each other up to tiny pieces trying to claim the Fabled Outlet for themselves! But don't worry, I've located a well hidden outlet in the cafeteria for myself. Let the lessers fight amongst themselves, I'm staying the hell away.

IS YOUR PHONE NOT CHARGED??

Ah, the cafeteria. Despite the fact it's a school cafeteria, the food is actually legitimately good. Well, some of it. They make some bon-diggity Philly Cheesesteaks and pizzas, but their french fries and random ethnic food I've never actually seen anyone order look like someone already ate them then puked them out and they served it to us. And by "they" I mean the 5 people who work here: The moderately hot woman in her late twenties with an accent (accents are sexy, just saying), the random guy who I assume was hired as a result of affirmative action, and the three old filipino/ chinese/ I have no idea lunch ladies. Now, the old ladies seem to be pretty cool, I've never really had a problem with em. But they have that habit that every group of people who speak two languages has: they like to have conversations in whatever other language they speak in front of me and I have no idea what the hell they're saying. It's especially disconcerting when they start busting up laughing because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE LAUGHING ABOUT! It's really fucking aggravating not knowing if you're the joke or if they're telling the world's dirtiest jokes and you can't participate despite knowing the best of the best dirty jokes. Some day I feel like bringing an interpreter with me just so I can understand what the hell they're saying, but knowing my luck my interpreter will leave me and get in on it with them.

My one weakness... I am helpless against the meaty-cheesey goodness of Philadelphia.

There's also classrooms at this school, for whatever reason. I guess they needed SOMETHING to justify building the cafeteria and library. The classrooms are some of the most modern rooms on the planet. They have magical retracting shades, screens that fold out, superprojectors, things that put a sheet of paper through the projector, awesome sound systems, and DOORS. That being said, due to the state's amazing ability to allocate money, 80% of them are empty. It's awesome, there's a billion of these super classrooms with like 15 teachers manning them all. But don't worry, unlike high school or a 4 year university or online dating, the chances of you getting a legitimately cool professor are really high. I'm not sure why they seem to be here, but they are. Maybe the 4 year universities kicked them out for not having boring enough lectures, or as I'd like to tell myself they gave the dean the bird after being put on double-secret probation with the rest of Robot House, put on a leather jacket and aviators and rolled out of his office on a Harley to begin their teaching career anew. But, I digress, the teachers are friggin AWESOME. Most of them are probably fucked up in the head one way or another, but insanity is a necessary part of fun. My administration of justice professor keeps telling us to drop the class because he's sick of us already. He handed out a sheet of paper that only had the words "REALLY BORING" printed on it and asked us to hold it up if he ever lectures too long so he knows to move on. He constantly singles out and belittles random people in the class for the enjoyment and learning of the rest of us. My interpersonal communiations teacher? She's some sort of state admin office employee slash teacher slash construction supplies seller slash mother slash robot slash crackhead slash Wonder Woman. I get tired just listening to her talk, she's got so much energy and shares so much of her personal life it's scary. I'm not really sure how she does it, but I assume crack is involved.

Most teachers have one or two perks that make them hilarious and fun, but the best ones are the ones who look like someone famous, like my old Public Speaking professor who looks EXACTLY LIKE GEORGE CARLIN, like EXACTLY. Down to the hair and clothing. However, I can safely say he was not George reincarnated, much to my dismay, because he was the most soft spoken guy ever and every other word wasn't an F bomb. I also had Morgan Freeman With a Shave Head for a Psych course, which was pretty cool. This guy actually sounded like him too, I felt like it was March of the Penguins, just with Psych 101 instead of stupidass birds that no one cares about. Plus, the teachers can't actually drop you I'm told, so if you wanna be a dickhead you can and no one can stop you. Granted, I'm sure they can find a way around that and get your ass dropped faster than you can say "I'm Rick James, bitch", so it's probably not a good idea to try that crap.

"Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to be a bad example." -Francois de La Rouchfoucauld