Waterlessgate

So I get home from a few days of binge drinking, midget hunting, the DTs, barking at people, and feasting on the flesh of my fallen and occasionally currently falling enemies (or a Saturday as I've come to call it) and I have all these plans for actually accomplishing things today. This is an extremely rare occurrence, like Hailey's Comet returning or hearing a funny racist joke about white people as a whole.

It can be hard to keep calm when he escapes the bear trap by chewing off his leg.

The universe would not stand for this, and it turned off my water.

So I return to a home without water after doing the above listed activities plus a few I left out for legalities sake, which does not include the assault or murder of any hookers, living or dead. These activities, the more astute of you will notice, did not include showering. So after destroying my body, mind, and soul in several cities, I kinda wanted to rinse off. I know this is a roundabout point to make, but I think the Universal Consciousness must be a female, because she digs my manly odor and refuses to let me wash it off.
 
That's right, the All-Mind of the Heavens wants me. That's the story I'm sticking with.

Like this, but with a bigger rack. And hair. Also color.